In a recent interview where a couple of poems from my new collection are published, an editor referenced one of my poems as a struggle with “the guilt of survivorship.” I was naively started by the question I had heard the term, “surivor’s guilt,” before, but I had never really thought of it in terms of myself, my community, or my culture. I was almost offended by the idea but chose to steer myself in the direction of a “teachable/learning moment” for both myself and the editor. Here is my response to this assumption:
“I do not struggle with ‘the guilt of survivorship’ at all. As a descendant of peoples who have sacrificed, suffered, survived, and even thrived amid marginalization, disenfranchisement, slavery, and genocide on so many levels, it is my duty to own my survival with gratitude.” I also included a quote from master poet Lucille Clifton, “i must slide down like a great dipper / of stars / and lift men up.” I am grateful for the question because it has been an ongoing meditation for me ever since the interview.
The cover photo for this post is me standing in my writing studio while at Ucross in Wyoming this past spring. The collage behind me is a collection of photos from my family’s archive. This has inspired my recent work. The smile on my face is owning/celebrating our survival. I pray that I make them proud.
Owning my survival with gratitude is an ongoing and daily practice. It is an acknowledgement of my ancestors, my lineage, and all the triumphs and tragedies that poured themselves into my being. It is a way to not just stand on the shoulders of those who walked before me but also kneel at their feet to receive their wisdom and guidance. Not owning my survival is travesty and insult. How dare I not when so have sacrificed that I might have the freedoms and opportunities that I now wield to further the path for others who will follow after I too am departed? This is not at to say that I do not mourn and honor the tragedies and the death. That is a part of owning my survival as well, but I do not allow it to overshadow my responsibility and accountability as a survivor. I do not allow it to eclipse celebration of lives past and present and the essence that still walks with us.
Someone jokingly mentioned to me yesterday that it is Black History Month in the U.S. “Do we still do that?” he asked. Yes, we/I do. It is not only a month but a daily living and moving in the conscious awareness of those before me. Celebrating our surviving and evening thriving is a regular practice that need not always be public ceremony and ritual. It is:
- Sharing family stories and legacies with our children that our elders passed to us (whether we think they are listening or not).
- Pausing to meditate on photos and letters, heirlooms and keepsakes poised to receive the wisdom that is awaiting our attention.
- Archiving records, stories, memories with the tools at our access that our ancestors did not have.
- Understanding that our family histories and legacies are every bit as valuable as are the famous names and photos that we are repetitiously served in textbooks and media.
Sharing our stories is sharing our humanity. How can we exist and claim our survival without attention to our stories? How can we elevate ourselves without elevating those who walked before us? A fellow poet, Sandra Yannone recently reminded me, “I have a different survival narrative than yours, and nevertheless, I must own it, experience it, live it, and write from within and outside of it in order to be free from its tyrannies.” And so it is…
This post is dedicated to the memory and legacy of MariOla Martin Madison, the keeper of our family legacy, who taught her daughters how to own/celebrate their survival.
May the celebrations continue and free us from “tyrannies…”
As always,
Be Joyful,
Be Inspired,
Be Creative,
Tamara
P.S. You can find my latest publications on the following sites:
The Wild Umbrella (2 poems)
Mom Egg Review (non-fiction)
P.S.S. My last book Threed, This Road not Damascus is on sale at 25% off for Black History Month. The amount will be deducted at checkout. No promotional code needed. Thank you for supporting independent publications and presses!