I have a few things simmering on back burners in my life. The heat is low, no kettle whistle or rattling vent. When I say “back burner” here, I am thinking of things in my life that I need to confront or handle in some way. I don’t always know that those things are on the back burner until something/ someone triggers me.
Several weeks ago, I was messaging a new mom about the beautiful pictures she had been posting of her baby and began a conversation with her as a breastfeeding advocate. Before I knew it, somehow or another I mentioned that my first baby had died. She thanked me for the support and said she was sorry about my “angel baby.”
“Angel baby?” That was a trigger.
I had never heard the term “angel baby” before then. If I had heard it, it did not resonate with me before that moment. “Angel baby” kept ringing in my head for weeks. It felt like one of the pots from my back burner was pushed to the front, now sitting on high flame, and fiercely boiling to the point where I had to tend to it.
I realized in that moment that I had all kinds of lively stories and had written poems, many poems for all my children except for my “angel baby” who had so wonderfully blessed my life in four short months before passing away.
With the baby dying and toxins leaking into my system and no signs of labor, I could have died had a dear friend not insisted and rushed me to the hospital one Sunday afternoon. It was a troubled pregnancy with bed rest, illness, uncertainty, and a resulting death surrounded by a very young marriage without the tools for healthy grieving. There were numerous reasons why I would not right about this, my “angel baby…” If she had grown to full term and been a live birth, she would have been 31 years old this week.
This morning, 32 years later, I lifted the lid of that boiling pot. I inhaled the steam and stirred it, seasoned it with my tears, and sipped from the memories. I my angel baby a poem. I have finally honored with gratitude for the gift that she was and still is to me. I feel relieved, lighter, brighter, joyous, and ready for Mother’s Day, ready to tackle more challenges that have been simmering on those back burners.
This post is to encourage you to check the back of the stove, see what is slow-cooking and patiently waiting for your attention. Are you afraid of being burned? It may not be as dark and dreary and scary and tiresome and worrisome and convoluted and… as you think.
Are you ready to take it off the back burner?
Happy Mother’s Day to all the mamas, auntie mamas, grandmamas and mama supporters out there whether you have your babies with you physically or not! If you like what you read, share, and bless the blog with your response!