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Out of the Closet

Did you ever have one of those life-changing moments that backed you into a corner where you could hardly move or breathe and you had to confront someone or something?  You know, one of those moments that pissed you off and scared you at the same time to the point where you wanted to walk/run away from it?

My moment happened a year ago at the spa…

I had just finished pampering myself in the hot tub, steam bath, and sauna with a wonderful scrub. While having a bite to eat with a close friend, she blew my mind with the simplest, innocent question.  “So how’s your business going?”

The question came from out of nowhere and hit me like a lightning bolt.  My first response to myself was:

What the hell? I came here to relax. DO YOU MIND? 

What business?  I don’t have a damn business! We’ve never talked about anything like that before! How dare you ask me about some business that I don’t have time for and can’t afford with everything and everyone else on my plate! Who the hell do you think you are?

My friend, my dear friend who believed in me and challenged me, pushed me out of my comfort zone, that’s who she was/is.

I could not understand why I was so offended and unsettled by her question. The last thing that I wanted to do was lash out irresponsibly at someone that I knew loved and cared about me. So what to do?

Be still…

I chose to take a few deep breaths and tune inward. Tears came next.

I finally realized the key word was “business.” I am a creative, sometimes an intellect, and even a comedian from time to time, but “business woman?” Never that.  Why?

Challenging myself to be transparent and honest, I opened up to my friend and a river rushed forward. I realized that I had played peekaboo with myself, my talent, and my desires. Yes, I was a writer/poet/artist, but I never thought of it as a “business.”  I hated the idea of business and promotion, never took a business class in my life! But why?

The idea of a “business” scared me.  It meant showing up to work every day for myself whether I felt like it or not.  It meant studying when I didn’t want to study. It meant believing that my art/my writing was for more than just me and worth more than I had ever dreamed. It meant me putting myself out there into the world to be judged, to be rejected, and perhaps to be received consistently

It meant me coming out of hiding, out of the closet and taking new risks.

It may sound strange for someone who has been performing in front of hundreds (even thousands) of people at a time for years, but documenting myself on the page, promoting myself by myself as a business scared the living daylights out of me.

My cover was blown! It was either slip on the big girl panties and handle my business or cowardly crawl back into the closet.

I am excited to say that within one year I have completed a seminar, published two books, launched a website, and started “MY BUSINESS!” Yes, MY BUSINESS!

There are still days when my closet looks comfy and safe and inviting, but it’s too late for me to turn back. Besides, I would not fit anyway.

There are some tough days out here with plenty of road blocks and rejections, but then there are days when the breeze is sweet; the sun shines, and everything goes my way. Regardless, I am being more me than I’ve been in a long time.

 

So what about you? Is there any talent, ability, commitment that you have kept tucked away in the closet? Is it screaming to come out and straining the hinges of the door?

Care to join me?

I would love to get your reflections, comments, feedback below. I hope to hear from you soon!

As always,

Be Joyful,

Be Creative,

Be Inspired,

Tamara

 

Comments

Tamara May 10, 2014 @10:37 am
 

"The swan has left the pond?" Priceless! I have never heard that one before! I am glad that you like the post! Thank you for responding!

Sulonda May 10, 2014 @10:15 am
 

Wonderful! Thank you for sharing this wonderful tell. I am inspired and honored by you and your journey. The swan has left the pond!

Tamara May 04, 2014 @05:07 pm
 

Thanks for responding Jene. It is, indeed, a struggle, one that we must overcome to grow with this wonderful thing called writing!

Jene May 04, 2014 @03:51 pm
 

So many of us are dealing with the same. Thanks for taking time to give voice to this beautiful struggle :).

Tamara J April 30, 2014 @09:54 pm
 

Thanks so much, Katherine! I needed that! It came right on time! Thanks for taking the time to respond and share!

katherine April 30, 2014 @12:35 pm
 

I applaud you, and I bless you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep doing what you're doing. I am proud of you. Love you much.

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