Yesterday was one of those days that I had planned to a “T!” I awoke on time. I got my youngest to school early. I ate a healthy breakfast. I made it to Zumba class and danced my heart out! I handled business and paperwork, answered emails promptly. I arranged transportation and planned appropriately. I ate well, left coffee alone. I was in the highest of spirits because I had a grand evening planned to debut a new workshop at a bookstore where I had just done a reading last week that was enthusiastically received! Then…
All hell broke loose…
The cab that I had called and reserved at 3:00 pm for 6:00 pm to arrive at the event in a timely manner simply did not show up. The dispatcher basically jerked me around for an hour, leading me on that the cab would be here any minute or that the driver would call. I could not find any other cab company to serve my area. By this time, it was far too late to take the public transportation that would have gotten me relatively close with a decent little walk after the drop off. The cab driver finally called an hour and 20 minutes after the scheduled time asking me if I needed a cab. Really?
I had been looking forward to this event for weeks. Not only was I going to facilitate the workshop, but it was going to be a special little treat for me too! Ten people were present for the workshop that someone else had to facilitate in my absence because I did not make it there.
I lost it…
In all my years of doing this, I have NEVER experienced anything like this. I did everything right, EVERYTHING I could possibly think of RIGHT to plan and move professionally, promptly, and effectively, but it did not work this time. I felt mortified, embarrassed, powerless, and pissed to say the very least.
I cried; I cussed; I fussed. What the hell was supposed to be the lesson in all of this? What could I have possibly done wrong or done any better than today?
Somewhere after a glass of wine and a bit of quiet time, I remembered: grace…
Of its many meanings, Merriam-Webster lists the following a bit later down the list:
1) Ease and suppleness of movement or bearing
2) The quality or state of being considerate or thoughtful
It was a moment where I believed all was in my favor, and when that did not prove to be the case, I broke and acted out a bit. Well, maybe more than a bit…
I lost sight of the fact that a lot had been going my way rather smoothly for quite some time. Perhaps things were moving a bit slower than I desired but they were still going my way. Suddenly in a moment where I least expected it, the rug was pulled from beneath my feet, and I clumsily landed on my bottom. Nothing appeared to be in my control…
Not even my own attitude…
I acted like a spoiled child who does not get that favorite lollipop from the candy store and threw a temper tantrum right in the middle of the floor. It was a grown-up, stylish acting out well-deserved, but it was a of a tantrum nonetheless.
I forgot to be conscious and grateful of all that had been going my way for quite some time.
I missed a moment to show passion, poise, and grace. As mature and balanced as I think I am. I was caught off guard.
Today is a new day, a new chance to try all over again. Today I choose to move gracefully and harmoniously as best I can with all that goes my way and even the things that don’t. I choose to observe myself, my thoughts, my reactions more carefully and tune them to frequency of poise and grace.
Funny, I used to hear elders use an expression, “God ain’t through with me yet…”
As clever as that may sound, it is critical that we not be through with ourselves… and commit ourselves to continual growth and expansion.
For me, it is quite simple: If a body, a plant is not growing, it is dying; there is no in between.
Today, I choose new growth, life and being positively sprung in this new spring! How about you?
P.S. Many thanks to Adrienne and Sulonda for the inspiration to write this post!